Forgive and Live: Steps to Forgiveness Part III

I have found that forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways to obey the two greatest commandments:

“Jesus said to him, ‘”You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’” This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘”You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.’" Matt. 22:37-40

I have discovered the only way to walk free from the snare of offense is to go before the Lord, daily, allowing Him access to every recess of our hearts, that He may sift through our hearts; sifting out that which is not of Him and allowing Him to cultivate that which is of Him.

“In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.” Matt. 6:9-13

God is faithful. As we release and forgive those who have offended us, He restores that area of our heart to sweet fellowship with Him.

“Search (examine, investigate) me, O God, and know (know in an intimate sense, as with a husband and wife) my heart (the middle or center of anything; soul; mind, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory, resolution, determination of; conscience; as seat of appetites, emotions and passions; as seat of courage); try (to examine, try (of gold), prove) me, and know my anxieties (disquieting thoughts); and see if there is any wicked way (pain, sorrow; idol) in me, and lead me in the way (way, road, distance, journey, manner; of course of life; of moral character) everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-23

“Who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults (to be hidden carefully; concealed). Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous (arrogant, proud) sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless (complete, sound, unimpaired; to deal in integrity, act uprightly), and I shall be innocent (clear, free) of great transgression (rebellion). Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart (see Psalm 139) be acceptable (pleasurable, delightful, favorable) in Your sight, O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:12-14

PONDER: The Psalmist opens his heart to God, inviting Him to cleanse him from sin of which he himself is unaware. He asks the Lord to keep him from pride, which will prevent him from entering into rebellion. He then submits all that he is to His Redeemer; the One Who is his strength. See also Ps. 26:2.

Remind yourself of God’s promises concerning repentance:

“He who conceals (cover, conceal, hide) his transgressions (rebellion) will not prosper (to advance, make progress; succeed, be profitable), but he who confesses and forsakes (leave, loose; depart from, leave behind; abandon) them will find compassion (to love deeply, have tender affection, have compassion).” Prov. 28:13

“…if My people who are called by My name (reputation, fame, glory; memorial, monument) will humble themselves, and pray (intervene, mediate, judge, intercede) and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. Now My eyes will be open and My ears attentive to prayer made in this place. For now I have chosen and sanctified this house, that My name may be there forever; and My eyes and My heart will be there perpetually.” 2 Chron. 7:14-16

“The Lord is my shepherd…He restores my soul.” Psalm 23:1 and 3

Steps to Forgiveness: How do we go about ridding ourselves from unforgiveness? How do we develop that soft, tender, loving heart?

(these steps are not meant to be a special formula, but simply a guideline based upon God’s Word, which is designed to facilitate repentance, receiving God’s forgiveness, and walking free from offense—that we may glorify and love our heavenly Father and love our neighbor as ourselves)

A. When someone offends you, choose to forgive them immediately! Forgive every five minutes! Seek the Lord for wisdom in the case of offense. Some offenses are to be dealt with between you and the Lord, others (usually more serious in nature) are to be dealt with according to the pattern of Matt. 18:15-20, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

“Lord, I choose to forgive___________________for__________________I release ____________________into your hands. Lord, please forgive me for taking vengeance, which only belongs to You. I receive Your forgiveness and I receive a fresh outpouring of Your grace to walk out my decision to forgive.

B. In the case where you are dealing with offenses from the past:

1. Set aside some quiet time with the Lord.

2. Open your heart to the Lord, allowing Him access to every area of your heart. “Search (to search out, examine thoroughly, explore) me, O God, and know (to know by experience, to perceive) my heart; try (to examine, to prove, to scrutinize, to test, to try as gold) me, and know my anxieties (disquieting thoughts); and see(look in a way as if inspecting, to perceive) if there is any wicked (pain, sorrow, idol) way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

3. Invite the Lord to sift through every area of your heart, to reveal any offenses He desires to reveal at that time. (Joshua 7; Ps. 139:23-24) Pray in this manner: Matthew 6: 9-16, “’Pray, then, in this way: Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.’”

4. Wait on the Lord. Listen for His voice. He will bring to your remembrance who you have bound in unforgiveness and He will reveal situations, events, etc., that you must release to Him. (Ps. 27:14, “Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!”; Ps. 62:5, “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.” also see, Ps. 59:9-10; Ps. 69:3; Ps. 120:5)

5. Allow the Lord to reveal the obvious destructive or ungodly patterns you have developed in your personal life (i.e. addictions) and with your spouse, with your children, with friends, and family members. The root of these negative patterns usually lies within some sort of judgment (harboring offense) leveled against one or both of your parents, siblings, teachers, coaches, friends, etc. Be quiet before the Lord and allow Him to show you who you judged (James 3:14; Rom. 11:16; Heb. 12:14-16).

6. Write down each and every offense the Lord brings to your remembrance. Be specific. Write down the names of those who offended you and how they offended you. (Jer. 36:2-3; Joshua 7—Achan was specific about the sin to which he had confessed). This is to ensure that you deal fully with each and every offense the Lord brings to your remembrance. (Jer. 36:2-3, “Take a scroll of a book and write on it all the words that I have spoken to you against Israel, against Judah, and against all the nations, from the day I spoke to you, from the days of Josiah even to this day. It may be that the house of Judah will hear all the adversities which I purpose to bring upon them, that everyone may turn from his evil way, that I may forgive their iniquity and their sin.”)

7. Choose to release/forgive each person or persons and each situation the Lord reveals to you. (Matt. 18) Go down the list and make a decision of your will to release and forgive each person for each offense. Be specific and be honest with the Lord about any and all feelings and emotions that arise during this time. Allow yourself time to walk through the anger, sadness, and any other emotion that arises. You may find that in situations where abuse has occurred, or other serious offenses, you may need to sit down with a mature friend in Christ, a pastor and his wife, or a counselor to deal fully with the pain and devastation of that offense.

“Lord, I choose to forgive___________________for__________________I release ____________________into your hands.”

8. As you forgive and released each person on your list, ask the Lord to forgive you for holding unforgiveness toward that person and/or judging him/her. (The Lord may reveal areas where you have also harbored offense in your heart toward yourself or toward Him—don’t forget to deal with those offenses as well!)

“Lord, please forgive me for taking vengeance against __________, which belongs to You alone. I receive Your forgiveness and I receive a fresh outpouring of Your grace to walk out my decision to forgive.”

9. Receive God’s mercy and forgiveness for harboring the accursed thing of unforgiveness. (1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (Also see James 5:16; Ps. 51; Lev. 26:40-42)

10. Once you have gone through the list, light a match and burn the list, demonstrating the finality of your decision to no longer hold onto past offenses. (Phil. 3:13-14, “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”)

11. Acknowledge that God is your Fortress, your Shield, your Strong tower, your Deliverer (Ps. 18:2)—acknowledge that He alone is your all in all; He alone is your avenger (Ps. 94:1; Rom. 12:19; Heb. 10:30; also see Ps. 31:2-3; Ps. 91:2; Jer. 16:19).

12. Your emotions may not fall immediately into line with your decision to forgive, but do not despair! If the emotions of pain, anger, etc come up, reiterate out loud the fact that you have indeed forgiven and released the offender, and thank the Lord for His grace to walk out that forgiveness in loving kindness and mercy. Stubbornly refuse the temptation to become reoffended over something you have released. (2 Cor. 5:7, “For we walk by faith, not by sight (the external or outward appearance).”)

13. The Five Minute Principle: Once you have put the ax to the bitter roots in your life, make a habit each day of forgiving every five minutes, both the great and small offenses that come your way. (Matt. 18:21-23, “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’”)

14. Be open to the Lord’s direction in demonstrating your forgiveness with a kind gesture or word of encouragement (1 Peter 3:8-9). Speak a blessing over that person, pray for that person.

15. Put on Love. The Bible is filled with admonitions to walk in love. Forgiveness is a concrete demonstration of love! For example: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Cor. 13:4-8 (Deut. 6:5; Matt. 5:44; Luke 6:32; Rom. 12:9; Col. 3:12-17; 1 Thes. 3:12; 1 John 3, just to name a few!)

May the Lord’s grace and mercy abound to us today as we choose to forgive and honor Him.

(Excerpt from “IN PURSUIT OF GOD’S HEART” by Rachelle Crawford)